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Joke of the Day

"A programmers wife tells him... A programmers wife tells him: Run to the store and get a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen. The programmer comes back with 12 loaves of bread..."

"I was just told this joke What's the hard part of a vegetable to eat? The wheelchair!!"

"7yo: I'M REALLY MAD AT YOU MOMMA SO I'M GOING TO BED EARLY Me: OH NO. NOT THAT. ANYTHING BUT THAT"

"after my son won his soccer game, his teammate invited us over to celebrate. it was father, son, and the goalie host"

"Stalin bragged that his death camps were better than Hitler's. Hitler responded, ""Jewish."""

"Why in the hell would I clean my bathtub? I put soap and water in there every day..."

"How do you get two rednecks to play Banjo in unison? Shoot the first one."

"What do you get when you sleep with someone and it goes really well? High sexpectations."

"*buys shed at B&Q* B&Q: Are you putting this up yourself? Me: No, it's going in the garden. B&Q: Me: B&Q: I can't help you anymore."

"Hey, websites, don't worry about me. I'll accept the fuck out of your terms and conditions."