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Joke of the Day

"I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste."

"What does a taxidermist do for a living? Oh you know... stuff..."

"I have a phobia of over engineered buildings It's a complex complex complex."

"When is it bedtime at the neverland ranch? When the big hand touches the little one."

"I was going to grease my mechanic's hand with a $20 bill for the phenomenal job he did but ... he already overcharged me by $200."

"I get really freakin pissed off when complete strangers ask me a lot of questions. So no... the job interview didn't go very well."

"My baby cousin is completely spoiled... ten minutes is way too long to microwave a baby."

"I thought my witty comeback was completely original.... Turns out it was a riposte."

"why do people swerve I love running over stuff"

"If you can't hear me it's because I'm in parentheses."