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Joke of the Day

"Life is like a box of chocolates If you're fat it's not going to last long."

"""And why do you want to work at the aquarium?"" * imagines me with a mermaid tail swimming in the giant tank after hours* I like fish"

"I accidentally gave my girlfriend a glue stick instead of chapstick... She's still not talking to me :("

"I have been looking back at history. And Im starting to think, Hitler was the brains but Eva was the braun."

"My friend asked me if I had a blast on my birthday. I told him I had such a blast, ISIS would have been proud!"

"A lady said I was catching up to... her in terms of age. I said she must be moving too fast."

"This is why we're screwed. Quotes in the word of your god."

"Man walks into doctors office with a frog on his head... Doctor: can i help you? Frog: yeah, get this thing off my ass!"

"Did you hear about the anxious gynaecologist? ...He got in a flap."

"What's the difference between Hillary Clinton and an onion? I'd cry if I cut an onion in half."