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Joke of the Day

"If you can't hear me it's because I'm in parentheses."

"Drug dealer I bought a pair of shoes from a drug dealer today. I'm not sure what they're laced with...but I've been tripping all day!"

"I joined a Cold War reenactment group. We just sit around and act nervous about the USSR."

"What do classical musicians write before going shopping? A Chopin Lizst (shopping list)"

"My psychologist said that I am losing my mind, and I don't agree. I'd say that my mind is losing me."

"1) Find and catch a rabbit 2) Go to restaurant 3) Complain about a hare in your meal 4) Enjoy free meal plus adorable household pet"

"I spilt glue on my autobiography & then accidentally sat on it. Anyway, that's my story & I'm sticking to it."

"What is Red and Smells like Blue Paint? Red Paint"

"Why was 110 afraid of 111? Because 111 1000 1001"

"What do monkeys drink in space? Orangu-Tang."