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Joke of the Day

"I can undo a bra with two fingers and no eyes but can't tie a tie with both hands and a 6 minute video tutorial."

"What flies through the jungle singing opera ? The parrots of Penzance !"

"I have seagull managers. They swoop in, screech like hell, shit all over everything, then fly away."

"A Pokemon Go user walks into a bar.... He was too busy looking at his phone to notice it."

"Q: Where did the kittens go on a class trip? A: To the meow-seum."

"A real ""nonstop flight"" would be terrifying."

"What's the hardest part about nailing a baby to a tree? My penis."

"Knock KNOCK Who's there? Orange Orange who? ORANGE YOU HAPPY I DIDN'T SAY ORANGE . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . v v TLDR I'm dead on the inside"

"We should bury everyone upside down so if they come back as zombies they'll dig the wrong way. It's called thinking ahead guys."

"I always want to be friends with the people that need shopping carts at the liquor store. I bet those people are fun."