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Joke of the Day

"I have seagull managers. They swoop in, screech like hell, shit all over everything, then fly away."

"I wish more religions took advantage of a vow of silence."

"How many heroin addicts does it take to change a lightbulb? Four. One to hold the lightbulb and three to smoke until the room starts spinning!"

"I went out dressed as a chicken last night. and I met a girl who was dressed as an egg. One thing led to another and a lifelong question was answered; it was the chicken."

"My girlfriend said period jokes aren't funny... So I ended up throwing away 3 pages of jokes i had written about the Victorian era."

"What do you call a short Native American programmer? A Little Endian -I'll get the door."

"My girlfriend told me that having a good sense of humour is really important I told her to message the mods at /r/Jokes"

"Every mirror is a vanity mirror."

"Did you hear about Han's new band? It's not as good as his solo stuff."

"When a cop tells you to ""spread 'em"" he is not flirting. I know this now."