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Joke of the Day
"What kind of moronic mirror thinks that Kristen Stewart is fairer than Charlize Theron?"
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"Are your clothes meant to scream out ""help"" when you squeeze yourself into them?"
"I might have Alzheimer's... But at least I don't have Alzheimer's."
"Popsicle sticks are depressing."
"Had a big lunch at Taco Bell. Off to the woods to prove a point."
"What do you call a tree if you don't know what kind of tree it is? It's a mystery."
"I hate when my iPod earbud cord gets hung on an object and it violently rips the earbud out and I get that murder-y feeling."
"Always a housemaid, never a house."
"A quote from the Father of Invention. Hi Invention, I'm Dad."
"I was thinking of opening up a restaurant that only serves burnt pizza its called Pompie"