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Joke of the Day
"I've only been wrong once, and that's when I thought I was wrong."
Next Joke
"You will feel dumb when we find out the guy who headshotted Harambe was from the future trying to prevent Planet of the Apes.."
"A couple drops of super glue on your fingers and you wont pay attention to any other thing on the planet for three hours."
"ME: I wish I could just go back to the good old day FRIEND: don't you mean good old days? ME: no, I just had the one"
"So I went to my Hipster drug dealer last night... He gave me an instagram"
"I fractured my tailbone this morning. I guess you could say I was pretty butthurt."
"I like to finish other people's sentences because... my version is better."
"I just finished making a belt out of watches. It was a waist of time."
"I was buying tickets with a friend at the cinema Staff: ""for the hobbit?"" Me. : ""no, she's my friend"""
"So they have warning signs for drivers to look out for pedestrians on their cell phone now. Put up warning signs for pedestrians that the driver might be looking at their cellphone. Problem solved"