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Joke of the Day

"I always feel like I'm wasting a text message whenever I respond with just ""K."" Now I write ""Potassium"" instead."

"Q: Did you hear about the blonde who stood in front of a mirror with her eyes closed? A: She wanted to see what she looked like asleep."

"Don't think of me as 40. Think of me as two 20 yr olds."

"Why can't smokey the bear and his wife have kids? Because every time his wife gets hot, he throws dirt on her and beats her with a shovel"

"I read in the Bible that people used to get stoned to death, that's a lot of weed."

"Remember, your toilet is just afraid of you as you are of it."

"[doctor's] INVISIBLE MAN: Am I cured doc? DR: Your tests are all clear IM: Is that good? DR: [talking to wrong empty chair] I'm not sure"

"Astrology Fact of the Day (Aquarius) Aquarius, with an extra M becomes aquariums."

"If watching the big-screen TV with your pants off and a bag of Doritos is wrong, then they shouldn't have couches at this Best Buy."

"In grammar school, most unplanned pregnancies happen early on ...before anyone knows how to use the colon."