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Joke of the Day

"What does a suicidal multiple personality say every morning? If I don't kill myself soon, I will!"

"So, I was looking around for some vacuum..."

"*throws coin in fountain* stranger: can you not do that? Me: just want my wish to come true S: this is a drinking fountain m: wish came true"

"When it comes to sex I'm a bit of a romantic... I only masturbate to the thought of fucking girls in the missionary position."

"What good is a space heater, it's cold here on Earth."

"Mini M&M's - for when you just can't finish an entire M&M"

"How do you know if an Asian has been to your house? Your math homework's done, your computer is upgraded, and that little twat is still trying to back out of your driveway."

"2015 was an odd year It will all even out this year though"

"The story of a heroic husband .... Wife to her husband - How do I look? I just came back from the beauty salon.... Husband - Well. Was it closed?"

"Why did Captain Kirk take such a long time in the washroom? Because he was fighting the Klingons."