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Joke of the Day

"*throws coin in fountain* stranger: can you not do that? Me: just want my wish to come true S: this is a drinking fountain m: wish came true"

"I was practicing moves on a stripper pole, when all of a sudden I heard a loud ringing. Then 3 firemen fell from the sky and crushed me."

"Why don't the Greeks, Slavs, and Armenians celebrate Thanksgiving? Because they don't like Turkey"

"Q: Why did the bear run around his bed? A: He wanted to catch up on his sleep."

"Poeple dont read the user manual to know how to do it. But to see where they fucked up."

"I just took laxatives and huffed some nitrous oxide... for shits and giggles."

"Just bought a new disposable razor. Or a spaceship."

"if you say ""summer"" in the mirror three times a white girl in giant sunglasses drinking an iced coffee will appear and take selfies with you"

"My New Year's resolution for 2017 was to lose 10 pounds. Only 12 more to go."

"Beyonce is a great actress because there is no way she has the time or energy to have the kind of sex she sings about."