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Joke of the Day

"Taking a nap now. If you're tempted to wake me, please remember Jurassic Park. Just because we can do it, doesn't always mean we should."

"Political analyst said the way to defeat ISIS is to cripple them financially so maybe we can sneak into Syria and build them a Whole Foods."

"Chuck Norris house trained his dog by 1 roundhouse kick to the face."

"My tablet burned me today after I installed Tinder on my Kindle Fire."

"I think I'll vote the NSA for president... ...because at least they'll listen to the voters even after the election."

"I have the confidence of a bald headed eagle, and the shy modesty of his distant relative the combover falcon."

"If time is money are ATM's time machines?"

"There should be a documentary about meth addiction: Need For Speed"

"me: maybe those nazi salutes... we're just them reaching for the stars... McDonald's manager: this is the fastest I've ever fired someone"

"Why is China so politically in bed with Africa? Because China is the biggest coal burner in the world"