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Joke of the Day

"Texts friend: sorry, I'm running late. Friend: no problem, let me know when you're on your way. [ 6 weeks later] Ok I've left."

"What is another name for sunscreen? SOLution"

"[Weekend in NYC with my wife] Wife: Did you know Comicon is in NYC this weekend? Me walking out of bathroom in a Deadpool costume: No clue"

"What is the difference between a dollar and Lebron James? Lebron James doesnt give you 4 quarters. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oShTJ90fC34"

"What color do you think Eddie Smurphy was? Blue, you racists"

"How many hippies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Hippies don't screw in lightbulbs they screw in dirty sleeping bags."

"Your mommas so fat When she goes to the movies she sits next to everybody."

"TIFU by falling asleep on the john at noon. I meant Job. I fell asleep on the Job. :D :D"

"Why did the bicycle fall down? because it was two-tired."

"What do you get if you cross a frog and a dog ? A croaker spaniel !"