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Joke of the Day

"[Weekend in NYC with my wife] Wife: Did you know Comicon is in NYC this weekend? Me walking out of bathroom in a Deadpool costume: No clue"

"I've been jogging for 6 minutes & there are, literally, 9 vultures circling above me."

"What do you call a lesbian Eskimo? Klondike"

"*rubs temples* security guard: Hey you! Stop touching the historic buildings at this ancient religious site!!"

"Shoving a hose up someones butt. What a douche move!"

"Why did the jalapeno put on a sweater? Because he was a little chile"

"Whats yellow and blue and has a tight ass at one end? A Lidl's carrier bag."

"Repeat after me: It doesn't matter how big the problem is, posting it on Facebook won't solve it."

"My girlfriend said ""I've got an itch between my toes"". So I asked ""Which toes?"". She answers ""My big toes""."

"What goes cackle cackle boom? A witch in a minefield."