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Joke of the Day

"How do windmills feel about renewable energy? They're pretty big fans"

"I started gaining as much weight as possible... I wanted to become a more well-rounded person"

"In New York, someone gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor bastard."

"Apparently the meteor passed within 17,000 miles of the planet last night. Nearly as far away as my wife parks from the kerb."

"Loneliness is when a person always knows where all of his things are."

"Why did the lemon go sour? Because it had Lemon-Aids"

"In the game of poker, you have to play the hand you're dealt. Unless it's a literal hand. Then it's a redeal."

"Did you see the movie about the demolition team? It did a great job of breaking the fourth wall."

"What's blue and white, and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you? A fridge with a denim jacket on."

"(NSFW) A friend of mine started dating a girl with special needs. Everyone is saying how sweet it is but I think he's fucking retarded."