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Joke of the Day

"It's unfair to call me lactose intolerant when you consider what I'm willing to go through for lactose."

"4 AM BLADDER: Get up. You need to go STOMACH: And you're hungry BRAIN: Imagine if Hammer Time was a real time zone. We'd have to move there"

"Imitation is... While imitation may be the highest form of flattery, I prefer the verbal kind. I also accept cash."

"I'm developing an app that makes a cricket sound effect at the end of my coworkers' stories."

"What did the shoe say about the customer who didn't like that it had yellow shoestring? That's lacist."

"Don't lye. It makes you basic."

"Why does nobody laugh at zombie-Peter Pan's jokes? He always tells them with a dead Pan face."

"I've only been in jail for 5 minutes and I've already been raped. ... My uncle doesn't fuck around when he plays Monopoly."

"My friend wrote a philosophical paper about his girlfriends vagina. It was pretty deep"

"How do you stay hidden in the Desert? Camal-Flage"