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Joke of the Day

"USERS: you're alienating the people who actually use your product TWITTER: likes are now florps USERS: what TWITTER: timeline goes sideways"

"If all the nations in the world are in the debt where did all the money go?"

"How is a girlfriend like a pronoun? Your's is possessive"

"A man and a fortune teller make a compromise and reach a happy medium."

"You're so void, I bet you think this nothing is about you"

"*finds own number on a bathroom stall* Call for a good time!? This is outrageous! *crosses out good; writes in GREAT* There. Fixed."

"Why can't my girlfriend perform at open mic night? Because she's a cover thief."

"Why does Barbie never get pregnant? Because Ken came in a different box."

"Yeah baby, I'm the lead singer in a band. Well, more of a backing singer. More of a Drummer. Triangle player..Roadie. I Saw a band once."

"I probably would have been a pretty good doctor, until I found out that I still get paid if the people die. Then I'd just be like, whatever"