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Joke of the Day

"Tweets My Dad Shits."

"The debates flipped gender roles. Last night we saw an argument between a woman who wanted to talk facts, and a man who only wanted to talk about his feelings."

"Whats the difference between a lesbian and a wheat-thin? Ones a snack cracker, the other is a crack snacker."

"This election cycle makes me want to find a bar really badly... Do any 21st amendment people know where I can get a drink around here?"

"If really good-looking people are ""eye candy"" I guess that puts me somewhere around the ""eye broccoli"" category."

"Weekends are like an ORGASM: It takes a lot to get there and when you finally do, it's over in no time!"

"What do you call a herd of cows masturbating? Beef strokin' off."

"I got rid of 300 unnecessary lbs after 6 months. The divorce papers are finalized today."

"How do you call a play on numbers? A pin."

"Proud of myself. I only ate 1 brownie today. I mean, it was cut up into 8 very large pieces and took up the whole pan but yeah, 1 brownie."