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Joke of the Day

"Proud of myself. I only ate 1 brownie today. I mean, it was cut up into 8 very large pieces and took up the whole pan but yeah, 1 brownie."

"So two stags are walking home from a gay bar. One looks at the other and says ""I can't believe I just blew 50 bucks back there!"""

"Just realized, We stare at screens, have fake farms, cities and animals and poke people.Think about it. Facebook is a mental hospital and we're the patients."

"Why didn't the native Americans go out to dinner? They lost their reservations."

"What did Carlos the fireman name his twin newborn sons? Jose and Hose B."

"I am the Michelangelo of writing research papers. He started the Sistine Chapel ceiling the night before it was due, right?"

"A joke from the Future. *#58821*"

"Why did the mermaid cover her breasts with seashells? She outgrew her B shells."

"Face it. Our planet is bipolar."

"A priest, rapist, and pedophile walks into a bar... ...and he orders a drink."