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Joke of the Day

"My friends don't hang out with me anymore since I told them I dilute my Viagra. They just can't tolerate that I'm homeosexual"

"You are being approached by a lawyer, a lion and a gang member. You are armed with a gun and two bullets. What do you do? Shoot the lawyer. Twice."

"What do you do when your lawnmower stops working? Deport him"

"I'm so sick of gravity! It's really brining me down."

"*approaches drive-thru window on a camel* ""Sir, here's your 17 big macs and a large milkshake."" May I please have a straw? *camel collapses*"

"Higgs boson walks into a Catholic church Priest says 'you're not allowed in here! Get out!' Higgs Boson looks at him confused, 'but without me you can't have mass.'"

"A pedophile, a rapist, and a priest walks into a bar He orders a drink."

"Dad: Let's talk, we never talk. Me: Okay. I kinda wanna tell you something... Dad: You can tell me anything. Me: I'm Batman. Dad: Get out."

"Why were all the gays winning poker in the 40's? Because they had to keep a straight face"

"People are loving this whole 'birdie sanders' thing but... i don't recall a similar reaction when bill clinton got a bird to come"