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Joke of the Day

"My favourite part about playing video games is probably thwarting evil. You never get to thwart anything in real life. I like to thwart."

"It's odd to hold a ""World Series"" and not invite other countries. But it's weirder to hold a ""Miss Universe"" and not invite other planets."

"Got super excited about a 200 meter butterfly till someone explained it to me."

"New Slogan for the Pro Choice Organization Cut out the middle man. Literally."

"I went to the movies with a girl last night. I paid for the tickets & the snacks, & anything else I can before she reports her card stolen."

"Yo mama so poor she waves around a popsicle stick and calls it air conditioning."

"Why does Dr Pepper come in a can? Because his sister is dead."

"Me: I'm gonna make a salad Her: I think the lettuce went bad [opens fridge] [lettuce flicks a cigarette, hops out & pulls a switch blade]"

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Unless that beholder is your mom cause we all know that doesn't count."

"What do women and werewolves have in common? (Offensive) They both go berserk once every month."