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Joke of the Day
"I nearly puked on my girlfriend, but she moved out of the way just in time She ducked my sick"
Next Joke
"I went to a karaoke bar last night that didn't play any 70's music... At first I was afraid, oh I was petrified."
"Attn Single people: If marriage was so great, there would be 6 people on Twitter right now....."
"Why did the blonde put her finger over the nail when she was hammering? The noise gave her a headache."
"A man was milking a cow... and suddenly a bull walks into the barn. The cow gets panic and says,""Oh shit! My husband!"""
"I made a movie about premature ejaculation. But it came out too soon."
"[therapy] ME: *in tears* So anyway, that's why I think she left me PERSON ON ELEVATOR: Please, I have a family"
"Huge sale this weekend, we have too many mountain lions, please come buy a mountain lion, this was a horrible business plan, one guy got ate"
"Not sure if you're a pretentious douchebag? Do you buy honey in a plastic flip-top bear? No? Pretentious douchebag."
"Twitter Taking the everyday boring shit and putting a much better funny twist on it."