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Joke of the Day

"The Chinese coined the phrase ''It's not you, it's me'' while looking at family pictures."

"What do you call a fox that can't stop shaking? Michael"

"What did Republican Jesus say to the masses? We can't feed all these people! That would only create dependence."

"[Whole Foods] ME: Hi CLERK: Hello ME: Do you...uh CLERK: Do we what? ME: Do you have any...uh CLERK: Go on ME: Do you have any Half Foods?"

"My girlfriend is (-100). She's definitely a 10, but she's imaginary."

"Doctor Doctor I can't stop singing Delilah Oh that sounds like Tom Jones syndrome Is it common It's not unusual."

"just ordered so much food the delivery guy gave me four sets of utensils but it's okay I still love myself"

"What did Donald Trump say to the thieving immigrant at the RNC? Great speech sweetheart!"

"Why is Xena never charged with any crime? Because she's Lucy Lawless"

"I always close the door to the bathroom even if I'm home alone. What if someone broke in and saw me peeing? That would be so embarrassing"