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Joke of the Day

"[having sex] Me: Oh ya you like that? Her: Deeper! Me: [baritone voice] OH YA YOU LIKE THAT?"

"Meanwhile, at the bar: Batman: ""Whisky."" Aquaman: ""Appletini."" ""WHAT?"" ""It's vodka, apple schnapps..."" ""You're off the Justice League."""

"It's impossible to touch your elbows behind your back. You just pushed your boobs towards me."

"So i asked my girlfriend if she faked it yesterday.. She said ""No, i was really asleep"""

"What do you call a black man in a ghetto walking around with a boombox on his shoulders? A stereotype"

"An awesome person fills you with awe, which stands to reason that a handsome person will fill you with hand."

"One time I ordered a diet coke but it didn't come on time. It said it had responsibilities in the Japanese government."

"Gotta love those girls in department stores wearing lab coats--taking time away from their experiments to help women out with their makeup."

"*as girl walks in* 98, 99, *grunts* 100 ""Wow, push-ups?"" Uhm, no? Just learning to count."

"Having kids can really strengthen a marriage. My wife and I never had a common enemy before."