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Joke of the Day

"I built an electric fence around my house. My neighbour is dead against it."

"ME: in closing, all of the facts I've presented today prove that Bush did 911 PRIEST: and now the bride will read the vows she has written"

"All these Marvel movies, and they sure are taking their time getting to Thanos and the Infinity Gauntlet Don't worry. They'll get there... Avengually."

"Simba was moving too slow, so I told him........... Mufasa"

"That outfit is very becoming on you Then again, if I was on you, I would be cumming, too."

"My FedEx guy knocks on the door like his son is dying and I'm the town doctor."

"It may be autocorrect, but I'm excited to see how this plays out when I drive my friend to pickup her satan wedding dress."

"My mate with Tourettes was cured after walking into a Gay Bar ""Fuck me! Fuck me! Fuck me!"" He shouted.... He's not said a word since..!!"

"Maths and Girls are the most complicated things, but Maths at least has some logic."

"I jumped on the wrong subway this morning and ended up in the outskirts of Narnia. Just fought off a horde of crack fauns."