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Joke of the Day

"I jumped on the wrong subway this morning and ended up in the outskirts of Narnia. Just fought off a horde of crack fauns."

"I need a way to keep fit that will make me look like a crazy person so no one will approach me while I do it. -inventor of powerwalking"

"Whenever I see an unsecured WiFi, I just assume it's owned by a chimpanzee sitting in a room and hitting a keyboard with a hammer."

"What do a woman and a condom have in common? They spend more time in your wallet than they do on your dick."

"Autocorrect is like being drunk: You only realise what it did after you have left a bad impression."

"Why do midgets laugh when they run through grass? Because the grass tickles their balls."

"911 what's your emergency? I FARTED ON THE FIRST DATE. Ma'am we don't-- IT SOUNDED LIKE A BALLOON ANIMAL ASKING A QUESTION"

"Monster: Someone told me Dr Frankenstein invented the safety match. Igor: Yes that was one of his most striking achievements."

"My wife hasn't spoken to me since I fingered her twin by mistake during a drunken dance at a wedding. He's not happy about it either."

"Mr. Trump, what will you do as President? TRUMP: I'll outlaw shredded cheese and only sell blocks Why? TRUMP: To make America grate again"