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Joke of the Day

"(Halloween Party) Friend: What's your costume? Me: I'm dressed as ""A total disappointment"" Friend: But you always wear that Me: Yeah."

"What's green and not heavy? Light green"

"To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked pizza. Then I made tacos because they don't live in a swing state."

"Don't tell me I can hear the ocean if I put a shell up to my ear. If he has something to say to me SAY IT TO MY FACE U PIECE OF SHIT WATER"

"Q: Why did the mother of twins name both of her sons Edward? A: Because two Eds are better than one."

"LEONARDO DA VINCI: *on street corner* eeey girl! gimme a smile, girl! nah, not that big. make it cryptic, girl, like 'what is she thinking'"

"We're out of toilet paper, also don't pet the cat."

"What does it mean when a man makes eye contact with a woman while she speaks? Her tits aren't nice"

"Why do they call it PMS? Because mad cow disease was already taken"

"What's the best part of a boxer's joke? The punch line Found in BL magazine"