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Joke of the Day

"Maybe your parents told you a watched pot never boils so you wouldn't go around sticking your face near boiling water, idiot."

"There was a woman trapped inside a Safeway, She was found dead of starvation the next morning."

"What do you call a cow having a seizure? A milkshake."

"Twat did you say? I cunt hear you - scum again."

"How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? The fact that you think that it's not society, but the light bulb that should change is problematic."

"I landed a really nice job at the local sperm bank But was soon after let go for drinking on the job."

"[At Vision Center] Receptionist: Which Doctor would you like to see? Me: I'd like to be able to see all of them. That's why I'm here."

"""Sir, is this gluten free?"" The waiter nods happily ""Great,"" I shout as I collect gluten in a giant vat, ""I'm building a gluten fort!"""

"Why can't an eel and an eagle team up? Because it would be eel-eagle!"

"A lot of parents are asking questions about my baby cannon. Like ""Does it really fire babies?"" & ""Have you seen my son Jeff?"""