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Joke of the Day

"What did the Nurse say when she noticed she had a rectal thermometer in her pocket? "" Some arsehole's got my pen."""

"A psychic midget broke out of prison... He was a small medium at large."

"What kind of music do they play at Stonehenge? Hard Rock."

"I had sex with an escort once but it went horribly wrong. I burned my dick in the exhaust pipe."

"Insta before videos: hey look at my sushi ! Insta with videos: hey look at my sushi for 15 seconds !"

"I don't have OCD... I have CDO. The letters are in alphabetical order, as they should be."

"Happy ending massages don't count as cheating... Women pay to have their cars washed for the same reasons. It takes too long, my arm gets tired, and I get my gym shorts all wet."

"People accuse me of babying my dog, which I think is ridiculous. It's not like I'm breast feeding her. She won't even take to my nipple."

"My wife says she's leaving me because of my obsession with Football Manager. In my defence, I've got Dani Alves, Kompany, Vidic and Lahm."

"A cannibal is having a meal at a restaurant After finishing his main course he tells the waiter ""Czech please"""