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Joke of the Day

"People always say ""Wow, your baby looks so much like you,"" as though it's supposed to defy genetics & look exactly like a coffee mug."

"What do you call an octopus that's missing one tentacle? Octopus Prime."

"If you are an option, you are also an idiot"

"The problem with speaking the truth is.. ..you assume others do too"

"What is the difference between a wife's argument and a knife? A knife has a point."

"What do you get if you cross a dick with a potato? A dictator."

"I've had insomnia so much it is starting to worry me. But I won't lose any sleep over it."

"i once told my girlfriend there was something between me and Taylor swift blank space"

"Three bloody tampons are walking down the street. Which one talks to you first? None of them because they are stuck up cunts."

"What colour animals have the most sex? Brown Chicken, Brown Cow"