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Joke of the Day

"Why should you always bring an iPhone to Mos Eisley Cantina? Because droids can't get service."

"I'd always wondered why they didn't make pencils with erasers on either side Then I realised there wouldn't be any point."

"I had a date last night. Such an underrated fruit."

"[interview] THEM: what would you say if i gave you money from the register and told you to keep it? ME: thank you."

"What do you call a spiderman that's good at sex? Peter Parker"

"Sorry about all of the alcohol and drugs, my body, but I took two sips of water before I fell asleep so we're good."

"Why are Jewish men circumsised? Because Jewish women only touch things 20% off."

"What's the difference between jelly and jam? I can't jelly my foot up your ass."

"Think of how old we're gonna feel when Honey Boo Boo dies from an overdose."

"How can you tell a hippie's been in your house? He's still there when you get home. What's he say when you tell him to leave? ""Na, 'ma stay"""