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Joke of the Day

"i wonder wat time is *looks at wrist only to realize i am not wearig a watch* ah yes, i had forgoten that time is but a invisible everything"

"I can't wait til my kids become adults so I can go over their houses & throw clean laundry all over the floor."

"""What did you do today, mommy?"" ""I invented names, like 'Grand Theft Anal' and 'Mortal Cumbath"" on Twitter, and you?"""

"So last night I had a stroke of genius. Two nights ago I named my penis Genius."

"I dreamt I was forced to eat a giant marshmallow, When i woke up, my pillow was gone."

"How to make Holy Water Friend: Hey, how do you make Holy Water? Me: Uhh...Let me think... Why? Friend: You boil the hell out of it! Me: Get out."

"Once there was a guy... ...who had a dog with no legs. Everyday he took him out for a drag."

"dispatch: we have a home invasion robbery in progress on the far side of the lake rowboat cop: *grabs oar* I'll be there in 6 hours"

"I was going to tell you a joke about hipsters. But you probably wouldn't understand."

"my friends are getting married and i'm here wondering what the diff between a soft taco and a burrito and if i should get both for dinner"