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Joke of the Day

"Dreading going to gym. It's kinda late. Open 24hrs, tho. Hey, you know who else is open 24hrs? McDonalds. Yeah. I'm going to McDonald's."

"Tom has no legs Who's that running? Not Tom"

"Where can I get sweatpants that say ""ANXIETY"" on the ass?"

"My friend recently got crushed by a pile of books but he's only got his shelf to blame."

"My boyfriend says I'm kind of selfish, but that's not true. I often think of other people. When I'm having sex with him."

"Pitbull is probably always the first person to hit ""Will Attend"" on a party evite."

"I like my women like quality agronomy soil... ..good penetration to 8"", bare surface, and minimal crust."

"Girl are you a tube of Pillsbury cinnamon rolls because I want to bang you on the counter"

"Marriage must be difficult for gay people Ive heard it can be a real pain in the ass."

"[Who Wants to be a Millionaire] Me: I'm stumped. Can I phone a friend? Host: What's your friend's name? Me: Wikipedia."