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Joke of the Day

"Karma may ""work"" but I think that bitch takes a lot of days off"

"I don't talk about my ex's because I like to start of with a clean slate. That, and they're dead to me. Well, to everyone, but mostly me."

"A sheep walks into a bar. Lots more sheep follow, the barman counts them and falls asleep, the sheep help themselves to free drinks. Genius."

"I met a new paleontologist today... Fascinating young lady, called Diana Saw-Hunter."

"Doctor Doctor you've taken out my tonsils my adenoids my gall bladder my varicose veins and my appendix but I still don't feel well. That's quite enough out of you !"

"Your mobile phone has more computing power than all of NASA in 1969. NASA put a man on the moon. We put a bird into pigs."

"My friend gave me one last gift before he died. It was his EpiPen."

"I feel so off the grid. I watched the Grampas instead of the Grammys last night."

"Well, I'm moving to Thailand. There's a small village there named Phucket that really speaks to me on a spiritual level."

"What do you call a psychic midget who just escaped from prison? A small medium at large."