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Joke of the Day

"My cat sat up from a dead sleep and stared, frantic toward the empty basement laundry room so I guess I'll be buying a new house now."

Next Joke
 
"Stages of beard length: 1.) sexy stubble 2.) sea captain 3.) prisoner of war 4.) homeless person 5.) wizard"
"I once was wrestling a guy and had him in a lock but couldn't make him tap out. Sorry for the bad submission."
"I'm not staying up all night to get lucky. If it doesn't happen by midnight, I'm going to bed."
"I love Americans. You guys have the best serial killers."
"You shouldn't be ashamed of yourself That's your parents job."
"Spoiler alert! The milk's got 1 day left"
"""Hell no!"" A man and woman are riding up in an elevator. The man looks at the woman and says, ""Can I smell your pussy?"" She replies, ""Hell no!"" The man says, ""Well, it must be your feet then."""
"Why did the Wise Man get 25 to life? Myrrhder"
"My wife says I don't listen to her. I think that's what she said, anyhow."