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Joke of the Day

"How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb? They don't change it, they just take forever to find where to fit the batteries"

"[me narrating a documentary about whales] look at these useless fat rubber sea pigs"

"What do you get when you pour boiling water down a rabbit hole? Hot cross bunnies."

"I fcuking love it when my girlfriend uses her evil psychotic skills for my benefit and not against me."

"I once had a job circus sizing elephants. The pay was lowsy, but the tips were huge!"

"So what happens to the pizza at the end of a porn film?"

"Shouldn't Spiderman have 4 more legs?"

"Got really drunk and had unprotected sex with the cashier at 7-11 last night. Hope I don't catch slurpees."

"Cashier: ""Look at all this candy! You're going to have a lot of happy kids this Halloween"" Me: ""It's Halloween?"""

"Hockey fights are cool but imagine the make up sex afterwards in the locker room."