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Joke of the Day

"Accidentally made eye contact w/co-worker thru bathroom stall door crack. Didn't know what to do so I blew him a kiss"

"i imagine my dog spends a lot of time thinking about how tall i am and how great it is to have a giant as a best friend who can reach treats"

"Men are like placemats. They only show up when there's food on the table."

"Sup girl, I hear u like bad boys *I open the wrong side of juice carton* *evil spirit flies out* Oh, so that's why they say don't do that"

"Why are postal carriers the most masculine profession? Because they're male men"

"""Echolocation, echolocation, echolocation!"" -Dolphin realtor"

"Me: Damn girl your new selfie is awesome but isn't it a bit late to zombiefy yourself? Her: What's zombiefy? Me: ...Your hair looks great!"

"My 8 year old told me a really clever joke for once. What do you get when you cross Captain America and the Hulk? A Star-Spangled Banner."

"Why do they call it Anal Bleaching ? Surely it should be called changing your Ring Tone."

"How did we go from crappy gas station coffee to ""Yes I'll pay $7 for you to put that in a cup for me""?"