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Joke of the Day

"Dr: Are you sexually active? Me: *cries* Dr: Um, are you sexually- Me: *cries harder* Dr: .....Ok. Do you drink? Me: YES I BLOODY DRINK"

"What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a BMW? I don't have a BMW in my garage. ....and if I did, I *probably* wouldn't masturbate in it."

"Two homeless guys are watching a dog lick it's nuts... ... One says to the other ""I wish I could do that"" The other scoffs and replies ""you'd wanna ask him first"""

"What's the secret to a great joke The timing. The timeing."

"I'm against picketing.... But I don't know how to show it. - Mitch Hedberg"

"My doctor told me not to lift anything heavy for a few weeks. So I have to sit when I pee now."

"Don't cry because it's over, smile because for a few miles they believed you were the real bus driver."

"I saw a fat kid sitting on a seesaw all by himself. I stopped and waited for another kid to fall from the sky. I left disappointed."

"What does Jared from Subway have in common with McDonald's? They put their meat in 10 year old buns."

"I could live comfortably for the rest of my life on the advertising budget of an insurance company on any given weekend in the fall."