217500

Joke of the Day

"I heard women love a man in uniform.. Can't wait to start working at McDonalds."

"martha stewart put a drop of citrus oil in the bong water and i cant even be mad at her. in fact it is the opposite emotion"

"Someone told me to make a philosphy joke. My response: I Kant."

"Spent all last night mouthing words to my dog to try and convince him that he'd gone deaf."

"I think people who use ""go fly a kite"" as an insult don't really understand kites or insults."

"I hate when I toss some cold pizza in the microwave, check Twitter real quick and when I come back I've missed 3 mortgage payments."

"I would give anything to get my ex-wife back . But shes already got the house, the car and the kids"

"A teenager was stabbed to death in a shopping mall over a stolen pair of trainers. Those security guards don't fuck about."

"If we have sex in the dark, there's a 50% chance that I'll put it in the wrong hole and a 100% chance that I did it on purpose."

"Did you hear about the witch who went in for the lovely legs competition? She was beaten by the microphone stand."