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Joke of the Day

"If we have sex in the dark, there's a 50% chance that I'll put it in the wrong hole and a 100% chance that I did it on purpose."

"What do you call a witch who climbs up walls? Ivy."

"3 Steps to being a good Programmer 1. Avoid recursion 2. Repeat steps 1 and 2. 3. Always have an exit condition. 4. Beware of being off by one."

"I hate it when the credit card bills come in and I have to have sex with my husband."

"The weather in Saudi Arabia is pretty simple It's either sunni or shiite"

"My dad hasn't uncrossed his arms since I was born."

"Judging from all the misery and carnage on my newsfeed, I'm assuming it's Monday."

"Tell 'em how it 'tis, not how it 'twas: Edition 1. It used to be the joke was ""If ya lick 'er, it's quicker"" Now it's: if ya drug 'er, ya fug 'er."

".5% of life is spent with accidental throat bubble Kermit voice."

"Just threw out my one night stand. There were termites."