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Joke of the Day

"I would give anything to get my ex-wife back . But shes already got the house, the car and the kids"

"What do you call a person with no skin? Dead. Another anti-joke by the fabulous me. Surprisingly, nobody has down voted the first one yet."

"what does god light his cigarettes with? a match made in heaven .-."

"When your friend offers you free food, all trust is gone out the window!!! The fuck did you do to it? Nothing, I swear! Okay I'll take a fucking bite."

"So then someone told me Islam is the religion of peace."

"Co-worker: You drink a lot of coffee!!!! Me: It's for your own safety."

"What did one gay sperm say to the other gay sperm? How do you find an egg in all this shit?"

"Why didn't the fiddler have to pay for anything? Because it was all on the house"

"*makes Transformer sound effects while I put my makeup on*"

"For your anniversary, if your wife asks for something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in 3 seconds...don't get her a bathroom scale. Nope."