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Joke of the Day
"At midnight, thousands of people will be at Times Square to witnesss Ryan Seacrest's balls drop."
Next Joke
"One pirate says to the other, ""Ey, you want some grog?"" And the other says, ""I made tea!"""
"Take my daughter once, shame on you. Take her twice, shame on me. Take her 3 times, and you're ruining the franchise."
"I like my women like I like my whiskey... Light brown, from the south, and kept in a lightless cabinet only to be taken out on special occasions."
"don't worry, i'm not like other girls *head slowly rotates 360*"
"They say Gay marriage will ruin the fabric of society... ...which is ridiculous, a gay man would never ruin fabric."
"Son, there's no need for a paternity test. I knew you were mine when you came prematurely."
"""911 wats ur emergency"" hi-- huh? um-- so, uh-- ah. oh geez. well im only just now realizimg that the girl at the bar gave me a fake number"
"whats brown and... What's brown and sticky? A stick. What's brown and runny? Usain Bolt."
"What did the groundhog's trainer tell him before the Olympics? Gopher gold."