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Joke of the Day

"Take my daughter once, shame on you. Take her twice, shame on me. Take her 3 times, and you're ruining the franchise."

"How did the private eye use math to find the intent of the crime? He solved for y! Thought this one up myself and thought it was post worthy"

"I'm a vegan and a registered sex offender... When I move into a new neighbourhood, what am I supposed to tell everyone first?"

"What do you call a semi truck with it's load half empty? Pessimist Prime"

"Everybody made fun of how I lost a race to the fat kid in school. If only my wheelchair was faster."

"Damn shame some of ya'll will get on twitter to say Goodmorning before even brushing your teeth. #mustymouthtweet"

"If a vegetarian eats vegetables... What does a humanitarian eat?"

"Saw a standup duo last night. One totally died on stage. The other killed. Actually, now I think about it, it might have been a cage fight."

"What do you get from a drunk chicken ? Scotch eggs !"

"How do you know when there is a snowman in your bed ? You wake up wet !"