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Joke of the Day

"So I just gave birth to a butt baby [NSFW] Well, actually no, it came out in a bunch of pieces so I guess it was more of a butt abortion."

"What's the difference between ignorance and indifference? I don't know and I don't care!"

"What will Stevie Wonder's next album be called? Songs In the Key Of Death"

"I'm thinking of becoming one of those hot girl accounts where you show like 70% of your face and tweet about your period and wolves"

"I hope all goes well with Princess Kate's baby delivery.., ...but I think it might turn out to be a royal pain in the ass."

"Did you hear about the casting for the new Batman movie? People have really Ben Affleckted by it."

"So psyched! My 1st granddaughter born today: 6lb11oz! Which is not the name I'd have chosen, but I guess I need to keep up with the times."

"What kind of sounds does Jaimie Foxx make in the bedroom? No sound at all, the D is silent"

"My dad used to always warn me about anal. He would say ""Now son, this may hurt a bit""."

"I'm thinking of becoming Hispanic just for the upside-down exclamation point. I like what you guys did there. I'm jealous."