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Joke of the Day

"Evening News is where they begin with 'Good Evening' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't."

"Somebody said ""hey wanna eat this apple"" and I said ""no thanks I ate a PC for lunch"""

"what's harder than closing your blinds? My dick as I watch you through them"

"What's the name of that movie with that actor in which the guy does that thing with that other thing in that place during that time?"

"Vanilla Ice arrested for grand theft. Cops say, ""He jumped in the car, slammed on the gas bumper to bumper, the avenue's packed."""

"Ever since I became a vampire I've been too ashamed to even look at myself in the mirror"

" I am under the influence. I am above the influence. I AM THE INFLUENCE."""

"A banana went to see the doctor and was like ""doc I don't know what's wrong with me, I'm just not peeling well"""

"You know what I hate about abortion clinics.. They really suck the life out of you."

"excuse me, waitress? ""I'm not a waitress"" Oh, what are you then ""Well, I'm a..*turns to other burger king employee* what the hell are we?"""