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Joke of the Day

"What did the Hollywood producer say to the Apes in the zoo when they refused to sign contracts to appear in his new film? Stop playing it cagey!"

"Seize the day. Attack the week. Murder the month. Approach your life in a generally violent way."

"I never understood why people get buried in suits. When I die bury me in my PJ's. If I'm gonna be sleeping that long I wanna be comfortable."

"What will they ask Jared of Subway in the prison shower? 'Do you want a 6 or a 12 inch one?' I heard this joke on Bill Burr's podcast."

"What did the Scottish man do when he ran out of pants to wear? He kilt himself"

"What are nuts on a wall? NSFW Wallnuts. What are nuts on a chest? Chestnuts. What are nuts on your chin? Dick in your mouth!"

"A man went to the zoo. All they had to exhibit was a dog. It was a shih tzu."

"What do you call someone who throws up after drinking too much orange soda? ... Fantastic"

"My daughter has reached that age where she's asking embarrassing questions about sex Just this morning she said, ""Daddy, is that the best that you can do?"""

"Who was the world's first carpenter? Eve, because she made Adam's banana stand."