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Joke of the Day

"If you can't be with the one you love then be with the one who has the best cable package."

"I heard this one from a crotchety old guy at Dunks yesterday What do you call a woman who sets all her money on fire? Bernadette!"

"Why was the Muslim rubbing the goat? Not because he was into beastiality you Islamophobe... He was at the petting zoo for his wife's 9th birthday."

"Every time I use a public bathroom, one thought occurs...""Seriously? This many people have Sharpies on them at all times?"""

"America sure is having some bad luck It's almost like it was built on an ancient Indian burial ground."

"So two snare drums and a cymbal fall on the ground... *BA* *DUM* *TSSHHHH*"

"Suzy Why did little Suzy fall of the swing set? She has no arms... Knock knock? Who's there? Not Suzy"

"What is a Jewish dilemma Free ham"

"Can't believe it's the Chinese New Year. I'm still writing Rabbit on all of my checks."

"Why do birds suddenly appear/every time you are near/just like me they long to be/eating your sandwich"