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Joke of the Day

"I heard this one from a crotchety old guy at Dunks yesterday What do you call a woman who sets all her money on fire? Bernadette!"

"What is the core of Uranus called Urectum"

"What do you say when a virgin sneezes? Goesintight."

"What's the difference between a captain and a lt.col ? A major difference."

"Fred: You've got a Roman nose. Harry: Like Julius Caesar? Fred: No it's roamin' all over your face."

"Why I don't watch science documentaries with my mum. Man on TV: Microwaves travel at the speed of light Mum: Fuck me, that's impressive. Microwaves are heavy."

"Me: ""Can I put this sweatshirt in the dryer?"" Wife: ""Well, what does it say on it?"" Me: ""Buffalo Sabres."" Wife: ""You're an idiot"""

"What do you say to Simba if he's walking too slow? Mufasa."

"I hate in your end. O. (innuendo)"

"What happens when Lucy starts using 100% of her brain? She's almost as smart as a man."