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Joke of the Day

"Women are better than cake. You can have a woman and eat her too."

"The purpose of Terrorism is to scare and make people feel unsafe, which is something it has in common with Cable News."

"I was going to make a joke about anal sex... ...butt fuck it."

"*DJ scratches a sick mix* [crowd goes wild] *DJ scratches a puppy's ear* [crowd ""awws""] *DJ scratches Lotto ticket* [crowd ""oohs""] *wins $1*"

"I barely slept last night; I kept dreaming about mufflers. I'm exhausted."

"When I order pizza online, in the ""Special Instructions for the Driver"" box, I put ""Tell me I'm a pretty princess"". And they do. And I am."

"Searched my teens room for drugs, was told ""you don't give me enough money for drugs."" I don't know whether to be proud or up his allowance."

"I carry around a note in my wallet that says, ""The curse must be passed, I'm so sorry"" in case it's ever stolen."

"My cousin was one of the most ambitious people I ever knew. Unfortunately, he struggled with depression. His life motto? ""Gosh darn it, I'm going to kill myself, or die trying!"""

"I like my women like I like my cheese Pungent and gooey."