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Joke of the Day

"*A demon tries to posses my soul while I sleep but can't because he's choking on all of the axe body spray I'm wearing*"

"So Charles Manson is getting married... Yeah, I thought life imprisonment was a big enough punishment already."

"Before you insult a man, walk a mile in his shoes... That way, when you insult him, you'll be a mile away and you'll have his shoes."

"Did you hear about the woman who replaced her addiction to ornithology with alcohol? She was described as being off her tits."

"Doctor: are you sexually active. Me: I'm not even physically active"

"Women's genitals are a lot like a shed roof If you don't nail it hard enough it will end up next door"

"TIL you can fit 30 bananas in a Kangaroo's pouch. Also, I'm not allowed at the zoo anymore."

"For Valentine's Day, I bought a bottle of champagne and a box of chocolates... ...and passed out alone on the couch, same as every night."

"Is it whisky? Two Chinese men break into a Scottish Distillery. One turns to the other and says ""is it whisky?"". His accomplice turns to him and says ""yes! But not as whisky as wobbing a bank""."

"Kim Kardashin flour bombing incident Police called off the search for the person who flower bombed Kim Kardashin. They learned it was just Lindsey Lohan sneezing"